I know I'm not alone. I can't possibly be the only parent who, when her kid starts yammering on about the intricate details of the game they're playing, either totally tunes out (or, if she's even more like me than she cares to admit,) finds herself getting frustrated or angry and wishing the talking would just stop because she really doesn't care about the 10th-level-of-hell-"Devine Beast"-fight-for-precious-gems-and-a-special-shield going on in the land of Zelda. I mean, I could care less and my kid talks ENDLESSLY about every single detail. On and on and on. I'm pretty sure I've said to him, more than once in fact, "I don't really care about this. Can you stop talking?" And that's a mild version of what's running through my head which is something more like PLEASE SHUT UP THIS IS TERRIBLE.
The thing is, it doesn't stop with stupid games. He does the same thing with A Series of Unfortunate Events. I actually care more about this than I do Zelda because Neil Patrick Harris is at least interesting, the scenic design is great, and the costumes are fantastic. But FOR REAL I don't actually care about the tiny, minute details that my kid insists upon sharing about Count Olaf and the woman who played an evil stepsister in Into the Woods. Maybe I'd care more if he took a breath every once in a while, but the talking just goes ON and ON, a mile a minute, with no signs of stopping. Please just watch the show. Go worry about Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire. Be thankful that I'm letting you watch tv as it is. Stop giving me a play by play because when you are watching television you're watching television because I clearly have some other very important thing I need to be doing or you wouldn't be watching tv in the first place! Now leave me alone.
One more thing I do not care about AT ALL, then I'll finish.
Star Wars. Please stop. I honestly care less about this than the other two combined. I understand the major plot lines and characters from a pop culture perspective, and that should be enough. But which cape looks best on the bad guys in the scene with the laser guns kind of talk - questions about the scene on the planet with the creatures and the flying machines? Again, PLEASE STOP TALKING.
This afternoon, in a moment of rare understanding, I was actually listening to my kid desperately try to explain to me why playing Zelda is educational and developmental (uhhhh, okay). As he was talking, I started to think about the topics that I go on and on about...And I realized that there are plenty of them.
I probably bug the living heck out of some people with my yammering about books, reading, the library, the post office, the cool pencil I found at JetPens, my plans for storage of my reference books with the less-used volumes on my office table and the most-used volumes within reach on my desk. And the funniest thing of all? The topic I realized I talk about the most? MY KID. So here I am complaining about my kid's non-stop blabbering about his special topics when there are a handful of people who probably want to say to me JUST STOP TALKING ABOUT HIM WE GET IT HE'S SPECIAL.
He's my special topic.